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Guidance, Personal Growth

Put This on The Stop-Doing List

by: Kate Swoboda
Stop-doing lists? Love ‘em. Like reverse psychology, they get me off the treadmill of do, do, do–add add add–and into the space of letting go. (Really, most of us tend to be better with shedding than we do with adding. Reduction, rather than induction…mostly because there’s not much that we need to do in our lives, other than get out of our own way).

So put this on the stop-doing list: Stop making things into “problems.”

For example: I hear a lot of people fret that their houses are a mess. Blog posts, facebook updates…you name it. People get really stressed that their house is a mess.

Well, then. In my line of vision right now there’s a bevy of clutter in my living room: A book that was sent to me for review; psych textbooks; Moleskine notebook; my printed out binder containing the Fire Starter Sessions; athletic tape and scissors; printer paper that I bought and dumped on the coffee table instead of putting away; a teensy little baby swimsuit that I need to mail to my sister who is with child (due in July–just in time for swim season). There’s also cat hair in corners. And a sink full of pots–we just kind of wash them as we need them, around here.

It’s a mess. And–I don’t care. The “mess” is evidence a well-lived life–full, rich… unbalanced in the best possible way.

I don’t care, not because I’m somehow more laid back than everyone else (just ask my man to get confirmation on that one), and not because I’m a “disorganized person” (you haven’t seen my color-coded filing system or my meticulously organized email folders), nor because we’re dirty (messy and dirty are two different concepts), but rather because at some point I made the decision to not make a messy house into a “problem.”

It’s not a “problem,” it’s just…a messy house–a house that’ll get picked up, about once a week, and then slowly cycle back around to being messy again. Because my messy house isn’t a problem for me, I’m freed up from the pressure to house clean and get to do all sorts of other things–like write blog posts, coach clients, study Italian, read more books.

This begs the question: What would you have more time and energy for, if you weren’t making XYZ into “problems”? Where might life be fuller, richer?

I’m not suggesting that someone goes to the complete polar opposite of this spectrum, and starts leaving orange juice on the counter until the ants arrive (that’s not the kind of “messy” that I’m talking about). I am, however, suggesting that there are all of these little areas of life that could be put into their proper perspective–places where we could all just cut ourselves a friggin’ break, already, and chalk it up to “it’s just life, and I’m just doing my best.”

No more disclaimers needed–no more justifications. Just– “It’s life, and I’m just doing my best.”

Top Ten Things that You Could Stop Making Into a “Problem

  • the messy house (see above)
  • the laundry (I’m not alone in noticing how many people fret about not doing their laundry more regularly, am I?)
  • being late (be considerate and endeavour to be on time–but if you can’t be on time due to circumstances beyond your control, let go of beating yourself up, and just flow with it. Other people can freak out about your lateness if they want to–it’s their blood pressure.)
  • snapping at someone (how does it make any logical sense to go from snapping at someone else to internally snapping at/shaming ourselves? Let go of the “Why did I do that?” shame hangover).
  • blog traffic, twitter and facebook followers (far better to put the energy into doing your best work and trusting that the right people will arrive).
  • pissy co-workers or family members (by all means, get out of their space if they’re shitting on your parade, but don’t go the extra mile of making their behavior your “problem”–it’s not personal, so don’t take it personally).
  • your weight (including referring to your “weight problem”).
  • other people’s lack of accountability (when we release expectations and attachments, we’re in a much better position to handle the unexpected, including times when others drop the ball).
  • money (it comes, it goes, it ebbs, it flows. Take care of the practical realities of money and develop a keen eye to the places where your choices around money create deeper problems to deal with–i.e., overspending on top of overspending legitimately creates a “money problem” where one might not have existed to begin with).
  • life balance/ being “well rounded” (who is? I’m a teacher/writer/Coach who speaks Italian, takes photographs, leads retreats, writes books, practices yoga, runs road races, watches documentaries and has a keen interest in U.S. foreign policy and globalization practices that result in social injustice–and despite that kind of “well-roundedness” I still have a messy house).

Problems? Nope–not usually. If there are people who love you, a roof over your head, clean water coming out of the tap, food in the belly, and enough time to surf the internet and read this, things are probably really great. That’s not an admonishment to “be grateful,” so much as it is a call to get clear–

on how vibrantly alive we all truly are, when we “stop-doing” the dance of making beautiful, ordinary, everyday life into “problems.”

source: http://www.yourcourageouslife.com/


About cosmicdarling

One with all that is


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May 2011
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